Taking Life For Granted
by SophieSaulie
Summary: Things about Dean that Sam didn't know about. Warning: Character death


**Taking Life for Granted**

Dean had noticed that Sam's attention was elsewhere. Facing the shape shifter had shaken them both, but in completely different ways. For Dean, it was the eerie evil twin cliché that had him freaked, that and being scared that he would be too late to save Sam. Every time those close calls happened, even when the result was good, he would flashback to when Sammy almost died as a kid. Ever since that day, he vowed to never let anything happen to him. It wasn't because his father had berated him, he deserved that and it wasn't because he felt Sam couldn't take care of himself, he knew he could. It was because he couldn't lose his brother. Point of fact, Dean's worst fear wasn't any demon. His worst fear, his worst nightmare was losing Sam. He loved his brother, more than any other person in his life, even more than his father. He believed that once they killed the one demon that had haunted their family, he'd be able to have a chance at the life he wanted and deserved. For Dean it wasn't about revenge like it was for his dad and Sam. It was just about closure so that Sam got that chance.

He knew what his purpose in life was. It was clear as crystal. He wasn't meant for college, a wife, or children. He was a hunter of dark and evil creatures. He was okay with that most of the time. Occasionally, he would let himself wonder, but then he would come back to the reality that was his destiny. Again, there were no regrets. The hunting had its perks and truth be told, he thrived on it. He had always been the risk taker of the two of them and relished in the adrenaline it provided. He was the brawn to Sam's brains. A desk job or any other career just wasn't what he was and to try to pretend otherwise would be kidding himself. He looked over at Sam again and hid a smile.

"Earth to Sammy." He said.

"Huh? What?"

"Where were you? On Pluto or something?"

"Uh, no, you jerk, I was just thinking." Sam defended lightly.

"About what?" Dean asked.

"Nothin'."

"I'm serious, Sam, what's wrong? Did the shape shifter hurt you more than you're telling me?"

"No, nothing like that, it's just…" Sam faded off, not finishing the sentence.

"You can tell me."

Sam took a deep breath.

"Remember I told you it had somehow gotten your memories, your thoughts?"

"Yeh, the Vulcan mind-meld thing."

"Well, it told me that I took you for granted and that –"

"What?"

"That you had dreams too and that I took away –"

Recognition played across Dean's features.

"Hold it right there. Just because it got a few details right doesn't mean it knew how I felt. It didn't, it was playing with your head."

"Was it?"

"Yes. Why are you so hung up on this?"

"Because I think it was right. Dad and I, we robbed you of your life, Dean. I left because I didn't want to be a hunter for the rest of my life and to be honest, it was because I knew you'd be there to take care of dad. I was selfish –"

"Sammy, listen to me, you deserved to have that choice. You earned it. You had the balls to stand up to dad and you took your life back. It took a lot of guts. I was proud of you. As for my dreams, this is what I do. It's what I want to do. I'm built to do this, not for studying and being corporate. You didn't take anything away from me."

"Don't you wish you could leave it?"

"I'd be lying to you if I said I didn't have my moments, you know the work, it can get tiring, sometimes it can feel defeating, but it's not you or dad keeping me here. This is my choice."

"How can it be? This job is about death, killing –"

"Yeh, bad things happening to good people, just like it did to our family. That's probably what drives me. I want to make sure that other people don't get hurt like we did. I kind of like playing the hero. I'm a hunter and in a darker way, I'm a killer."

"No, you're not –"

"Killing demons and sometimes an innocent victim to kill a demon inside them…It's still killing. I'm realistic about it, Sam. I don't lie to myself about it."

"I just think –"

"Don't beat yourself up about it, I'm being honest with you, Sam, I like this life."

Sam didn't seem convinced and Dean knew it. It wasn't because he didn't believe him, but Sam was still idealistic, hopeful and wanted to have that happy ending for all of them. Dean hoped he would never lose that. All the more reason to find dad and the demon and finish the battle once and for all before Sam reached the point of no return. A part of Dean was dark, he knew that, very little innocence was left in him, whatever small part was left held on for Sam's sake, but he knew he was already at the point of no turning back. He didn't want Sam to end up there.

"And I think we're both really tired and this conversation is getting way too touchy feely for me."

They found a seedy motel that seemed to meet their budgetary requirements and checked in to get some sleep before hitting the road again.

Sam tossed in his sleep, images were coming at him from everywhere, then he saw Jessica. She was in the same white dress in the apparition he saw as they drove out of the last town. She smiled at him.

"Sam."

"Jess…" He said in awe.

"It's so good to see you."

"Yeh, you too."

"I'm glad you're doing okay."

"Am I?" Sam questioned.

She nodded and smiled.

"I'm grateful." She said.

"What? For what?" Sam said, a little anger rising in his voice. How could Jess be grateful for dying?

"Not for dying, silly." She said, startling him. "I can read your thoughts, you know. I'm grateful that Dean convinced you to go with him. You needed him."

"I need you, Jess."

"No, you don't and you're letting my death ruin your life."

"Don't you want me to find what killed you?"

"You will, in time, both of you will, but you won't find it with vengeance. That's where you and your father are alike and what keeps you both from really living. Dean, though, he's different."

"How?"

"He puts you first."

"What do you mean?"

"He wants to find the demon that killed us too, not for revenge, but so that you can have the normal life you want. He wants that for you not for himself."

"What about him, what about his life?"

"This is his life. He knows it, accepts it, loves it even. He does all this for all the right reasons."

Sam thought over Jessica's words.

"Why are you here?"

"To tell you about Dean so you can understand him better. You're not listening to what he's telling you because you can't believe he could want the life he leads, that somehow you're to blame for keeping him there. You're selfish, but not because you think you're holding him back. That's an excuse you use. You're selfish because you can't accept him for who he is, because he reminds you that you share the same destiny and you're afraid to be like him instead of being proud of him for who he is."

"No, that's not true."

"Yes, it is, Sam and until you accept your role in this world, you'll be a liability to him."

"A liability?"

"You'll get him killed."

"What?" Sam said, shocked.

"He worries about you, cares so much for your life, for its own sake, that he's willing to do anything to make sure you have that life. He's willing to trade his life for yours. If you don't start accepting your visions, your place beside him instead of behind him, he will eventually have to make the choice you fear so much and he'll do it without hesitation."

Sam was awestruck at her words. The mere idea that he could cause Dean's death was unthinkable, reprehensible, but he had to admit that she made sense. He had been despairing over the visions and dreams he'd been having and so focused on finding her killer that there had been time for very little else. It's only now that Jess pointed it out that he realized it was because he knew Dean would watch his back, take care of the rest while he bemoaned his fate.

"You're starting to understand now." Jess said. "You have to let me go, Sam. I'm gone and I'm never coming back. I'm also in the past, like your mother. As hard a fact as that is to take, Dean already has faced it and is moving forward. Don't blame him for not outwardly mourning. He mourns in his own way, but it doesn't rule him. He also celebrates life that much more for understanding how fragile and fleeting it is. What you see as selfish and irresponsible behavior is his way of coping as well as enjoying the moment while he can. The future changes with every act you make in the present, that's why it's so important to live in the moment like he does. The time will come when both of you will face what killed us, but until then, all that is happening now is preparing you for that day. Appreciate this life you have now. Appreciate your brother while you can."

"What do you mean, while I can?" Sam said panic rising in his voice.

"I have to go now." Jess said cryptically.

"No, I need to know what you meant."

"Let me go, Sam. I'm all right. I can't be harmed here. Take care of each other."

Jess disappeared in a mist and Sam awoke bolt upright, sweating and breathing hard. Dean went over to him to check on him.

"Sam? Sammy? Are you all right? God, I wish there was something I could do to stop these nightmares for you."

Sam looked over at Dean and he saw the raw sincerity in his eyes.

"You really do, don't you?" He asked.

Dean was confused by the question.

"Of course I would. If I could, I would keep all of the darkness away from you. You don't deserve what you're going through."

Sam started to tear up a little.

"Aw, no, you're not going to get all sappy on me now, are you? And you wonder why I don't say these things. I hate the water works." Dean protested lightly.

Sam then broke into a broad smile and laughed at him.

"Sorry, it's just the dream –"

"What? Tell me, Sam. You know I have to know what I'm fighting against before I can help you."

"I know. It was about Jess, but not about her dying like the others. She was telling me to let her go. That she was all right where she was and that my guilt was doing more harm than good."

"I have to admit I'm with her on that one. I know you feel responsible and if the tables were turned so would I, but you can't hang onto it. She wouldn't want that."

"I know and I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for, I'm just worried about you."

"Yeh, I do for not being there for you."

"Oh, we're not on that kick again, are we? You are always there for me. You've saved my ass more times than I care to admit when my lame-brained ideas got me into trouble."

"No, I don't mean there for you that way, I mean with this demon that killed mom and Jess. I've been so fixated on finding that thing that I keep forgetting that you want that too. I'm sorry for shutting you out, making it just my battle because of Jess."

Dean looked at him and saw a realization in his eyes that both saddened him and made him proud. On the one hand, Sam had broken through his grief for Jess, on the other, it made him sad to see a small piece of that innocence lost.

"I don't want to get you killed." Sam said suddenly. "I don't think I could survive if –"

"Whoa, whoa, how did we get from that point A to this point B? Who said anything about getting killed? I'm not planning on dying anytime soon."

"I know you aren't, but I know that you'd put yourself in front of anything that tried to hurt me without a second's thought. Jess told me that, but I already knew."

"No more than you would too. It's what we do."

"I know, but I don't want to screw up so you'd have to do that."

"You won't, you haven't. This conversation is wearing me out, Sam so listen to me, all right? Because it's the last word on it." Dean insisted and Sam nodded. "I'm not going to tell you that there won't come a time when both of us might have to face making that choice. If anything haunts me, it's that I won't be there to save you when that time comes and you bet your ass I will do everything in my power to prevent it, you will never convince me it isn't worth it so don't even try. You're my brother, Sammy and I love you and that's all that matters. All you need to know is that I will always be there for you. It's not a sacrifice, not a burden, and I'm not missing out. Got that?"

Sam smiled widely at Dean's conviction. It gave him a sense of security he thought he would never feel.

"Ditto." Sam said.

"Okay, we are NOT doing the 'Ghost' thing. This subject is done." Dean shook his head in dismay.

"Okay."

"Thank you. I need a drink and you're buying."

Five years later, a tall man in his thirties with a beautiful raven-haired woman and a young boy of no more than three years old were walking through a colorful field of green grass and wildflowers towards a large tree. Beneath it was a small granite headstone. The young man bent down to stroke it while his lovely bride and son looked on.

Etched on the headstone was a name that would always bring tears to his eyes:

Dean Winchester  
1978-2007  
Brother, Son, Hero

"Hey, Dean…" Sam said, choking up. "Sorry it's been awhile since we were last here. I…"

Sam leaned his body against the stone and broke into open sobs.

"I'm…I'm sorry, I know you hate it when I do this, but I miss you…It still hurts…I know, I know, move on. I can hear you already, but you know how I am."

"Daddy, daddy" the little boy said as he ran up to Sam.

"Daddy's okay, little Dean. I'm missing Uncle Dean is all."

Sam looked back to the stone.

"I do miss you…"

_**Flashback, 2007:**_

All three of them were face to face with the dark shadowy figure that had haunted their lives. John Winchester and his two sons were facing the one demon they hadn't been able to exorcise from their souls for twenty years. It turned, seemingly cornered in a room they had prepared as a trap for it. All manner of supernatural precautions were taken. The only drawback was that they were trapped with it.

Without a human host, it spoke with a menace that transcended sound and had what could maybe pass for a smile. It sent chills down every man's spine.

"So, we meet finally."

"And we're ending it here, once and for all." John, the father, said with as much conviction as he could muster.

He was worried about his sons. They were all he had left in this world and he felt the guilt of having brought them into the dark world he entered when their mother was killed. How he wished he had the foresight of knowing then what he was doing to them. Now, it was too late. Neither of them would leave him to fight alone. He had raised them too well. They were noble and heroic young men, men any father would be proud to call his own and he was.

If this went badly, the whole Winchester line would be eradicated. He had trained them for this moment so that they would have the best chance of surviving, but now, he was scared to death of losing them both and surviving alone. The ultimate death for John Winchester would be to outlive his sons.

The demon turned toward John.

"I feel your regret. You know you've sentenced your sons to death. You did that the moment they lost their mother."

"Shut up!" Sam impulsively yelled.

"Sam, no." Dean admonished.

"You wish you hadn't now." The demon taunted.

"The only regret I have is that I didn't find you sooner." John said.

"No, your sons did and failed to defeat me."

"But we saved that family from losing their mother like we did." Sam said again.

"Yes, you did, but for how long? I'm patient. I've lived for thousands of years. A few more won't matter. Once your family is gone. No one can stop me."

"Oh, you'll be stopped all right, you can count on that and I say we're just the guys to do it." Dean taunted.

The demon laughed.

"You're flawed all of you. You and your insecurities and doubts, I can crack your psychological armor so easily. I did that the last time we faced each other."

"Yeh, yeh, Sam is dad's favorite, showed him more concern than he ever did me…I need them more than they need me yadda, yadda. Is that about right? Did I leave anything out? Like I said then, all a bunch of monologuing. You know what? If it rocks your evil world, yeh, it's all true. I do need them more, but that isn't a weakness. Because I need them, I fight for them. They give me my strength. I would die for them."

Sam and John were proud and moved by Dean's unwavering loyalty to them. It had been a rock for them both during the darkest times of their lives together. There was a glimmer of shame that they never let him know how much that devotion meant to them.

"Well, you may have to."

"Bring it on, you bastard." Dean said without a waver of indecision or fear in his voice.

Suddenly the room was a whirlwind as the demon tossed the Winchester men against the walls. Each had a weapon, but the Colt that had the lone last bullet was in Sam's hands. They had learned that it wasn't enough to just shoot the demon with the gun. Sam was the one that the demon wanted so it had to be him to shoot the gun and even though the first battle with the Colt was a failure, this time, they had found a way to bind the demon to the room and make it more corporeal or what Dean called, more killable. They would soon know if their efforts were worth it.

Dean and John hit it at every angle as Sam watched in horror and awe at the battle. He pointed the gun, waiting for the perfect angle where he was sure he wouldn't hit Dean or his dad by accident, more importantly wasting the bullet. He couldn't be risked in the fight. He had to be kept safe and given as much time and opportunity to make the perfect shot. Though Sam resisted, they soon convinced him it was the only way they could even hope to win against it. The demon then did something they didn't expect. It began to transform. It became larger and its hands became more like claws. In a moment of shock that took all three Winchester men by surprise, it swung the claw at John and slashed him across the chest. He fell to the ground, grabbing his wound, screaming in pain.

"DAD!" Dean yelled, filled with rage. They weren't going to lose this battle. They were going to live if it killed him.

He lunged at it with the broad sword and managed to imbed it into the chest of the demon. Though he knew it wouldn't kill it, he hoped it would slow it down enough for Sam to get a good shot off. It stopped for a moment, but then pulled the sword out casually as if it were a hangnail. It then turned towards Sam and began to swing it towards him. Dean, his eyes wide with terror, acted instinctively and ran in front of Sam.

"SAMMY!" He yelled, catching the brunt of the blade and feeling it cut into him deeply.

"NO!" Sam screamed and pulled the trigger, not caring where it hit the demon.

Despite the Colt having spent its only bullet, Sam's shock and trembling muscles kept repeatedly pressing the trigger over and over. His breathing was a mix of uncontrollable sobbing and hyperventilation. The one bullet was all that was needed to do the job as the demon disintegrated with its death knell fading with it. Then there was only a thick and deafening silence like they were in a room filled with water, it was broken only by the struggling breaths of Dean. Sam dropped the gun as if his hands were robbed of strength then fell to his knees, crawling over to where Dean was. John was trying to do the same, but with more difficulty due to his injury.

"Dean, Dean, Dean…" Was all Sam could say between shaky breathes and sobs.

"I'll call 911." John uttered as he painfully extricated his cell phone.

Sam went white with fear as all of the blood left him when he saw Dean's face contort in severe pain. He was wheezing, blood dripping from his mouth and his chest.

"S..s..s..sammy." He said, the effort causing him to tremble.

"Dad's calling 911, we're going to get you to a hospital. Stay with me." He begged.

"Demon? G…gone?" Dean asked catching his breath with every word, his voice sounding dry and swallowing caused him to grimace.

"Yes, it's gone…"

"You…did…it…knew…you…would…proud of you, little brother. It's over…it's finally over…"

"No, no, you saved my life…I let this happen to you…I wasn't fast enough…I froze." Sam said hysterically.

Dean's face changed into an almost angry grimace as he grabbed Sam's shirtfront with whatever grip he had left.

"Don't…you…do…that, Sammy…you hear…me? You killed that son of a bitch and that's all that matters…I will so haunt your ass if you…blame yourself for what happened to me…I did what had to be done…to get the job done…you and dad would have done the same for me…we're family." He closed his eyes and shook with pain.

When he opened them again, Dean bored his eyes straight into Sam's with a mix of fierce determination and excruciating pain.

"Do…you…hear me? Am I clear?"

"Y…y…yes." Sam said as Dean could no longer hold his grip and let his arm drop. "Dean, you're not dying."

"The hell…I'm not…sure feels like it…hurts like hell."

"No, no…" Sam cried.

"Promise…me, Sam…promise me you'll live that life you wanted…it's all…I've ever…wanted in my…life."

Dean cried out in pain and began to cough which made the breathing harder. The hell he wasn't dying he thought again. John crawled over by his son's side and took his hand in his.

"Dean, I'm so proud of you, son. We did it. You knew it all along. We are stronger as a family."

"Oh…God, I must…really be…dying…dad's getting… all sentimental on me…" Dean joked weakly and made John smile despite himself.

"I love you, son. I'm sorry I never told you enough."

"I…knew, dad…I always knew. You never…had to."

"Should have been me." John said, his voice heavy with regret.

"No, dad…it happened…this way…for a reason…it's not about what might have been…Sammy?"

"What?"

"There's a box…in a compartment in the trunk…" Dean gasped out. "Find it…later…it explains some things…I…don't have…time for…"

"No, no, hang on, Dean, please." Sam said.

"Humor a dying man, find…it…okay?"

"Okay." Sam said resigned. "Dean, please don't leave me…"

"Don't want to…believe that…but can't stop it…this time, even you can't stop it…" Dean smiled weakly, recalling the other time he was close to dying. "Don't regret, Sammy…there's nothing to feel regret about…we did what we had to…I'm not sorry for being a part of this family, for being dad's son, most of all for being your brother…" Dean clenched his eyes closed and hissed from pain.

He was so tired now. He just wanted to rest. He just wanted the pain to be over.

John saw the light in his son's eyes fading and it felt like a part of him was dying with him. Dean was giving them permission to let him go and to go on without him. Suddenly John couldn't imagine what that life would be like. For all the times he had left them behind, he always knew deep down that he would somehow see them again. He never doubted that Dean would be there, cracking jokes, riding his ass, and keeping them both safe. It seemed inconceivable that he would no longer be there for both of them. They had almost made it together whole.

"S…s…sam? I wanna hear…that promise…now." Dean rasped, his strength almost gone.

"I promise…" Sam said reluctantly.

"Dad, you see…to…it that he…keeps it…he can have ADD when it comes to listening…" He joked again.

"Hey!" Sam protested with humor.

He wondered how Dean did that, make any situation worthy of a joke, even when he was dying.

"I will. I promise." John said with a weak smile of his own.

"Good…g…good…" he said, feeling his life ebb from him "Sam?"

"Yeh, Dean, I'm here." Sam said, unable to contain his sobbing.

Dean was breathing faster, it was getting harder to hold on. He was struggling for every second now and tears were forming in his eyes. He grabbed Sam's shirt again, as if it were a lifeline.

"I…love…you…little brother…don't you…ever…forget that…"

"I won't." Sam said, already lost to his emotions. "I love you too…"

"I love you, dad. We did it."

"We sure did. I love you, son."

Dean took in a long, shuddering breath, his grip loosened and then he uttered, "Mom?" before he closed his eyes and exhaled the breath, a last moan with it.

He then fell limp in Sam's arms and the shock froze Sam in disbelief. All he could do was hug him hard against him, afraid to never feel his brother's presence again. Sam could only repeat his name over and over again as he rocked his body and gave in completely to his sobs.

John stoically looked at Dean's lifeless body and shook silently as his body too gave into his grief. He swallowed his pain as much as could and tried to regain enough composure to get them out of there. He knew it would be excruciatingly hard for both of them to leave Dean behind.

"Sam, we have to get out of here."

"No, no, I'm not going to leave him. He needs us." Sam said on the brink of hysteria from the loss.

"You have to. We have to."

John saw the look on his son's face, a mix of anger and resignation as he thought over his words. He knew that he was right, but feeling no comfort in the knowledge.

"I know, dad, but I don't think I can…I don't think I can leave him."

"I know how you feel, but he's gone. He'd want to us to go and be safe. It's what he died to do. You know that." John's voice cracking, sounding less convinced, but his practical side kept him going. "Remember our promises to him."

Sam nodded and then laid Dean slowly and gently down to the ground. The reality of his wound and the stillness of his body hammered home to Sam that he was really gone. He wasn't playing a cruel joke, pretending to be dead. Sam had never wished for something so much as he did that, but Dean didn't move.

"Come on, son."

They both left, but Sam kept looking behind him, hoping and hoping until they were out of the house. Only then, did his hope finally die.

John and Sam knew that they would have a hard time explaining what happened in the house without being committed to a mental institution so per their plan, they torched the house, leaving nothing behind to tell the story of what had happened there and that a beloved son and brother had died saving his family from harm.

As much as they wanted to take Dean with them and bury him closer to home, they knew it would be impossible so they left him in the house to burn with it. It seemed right somehow. Dean had wanted to be cremated. He had been in the business too long. He didn't want anything taking over his body and potentially hurting someone, especially Sam.

After the fire was blazing hot and they knew very little evidence would be left behind, they drove off. John's injuries were superficial, if painful, so they checked into a motel, cleaned up as much as they could and got first aid supplies from a 24-hour mini-mart near by. Both Sam and John were moving as if on autopilot, doing what needed to be done, but not wanting to stand still long enough to think about what had happened and who they had lost.

Sam then remembered Dean's words about a compartment in the trunk. He went to the Impala and searched. He lifted a cut out and found a box laying in a crevice. He pulled it out and brought back.

"What's that?" John asked.

"A box in the trunk. Dean said to find it. I'm afraid to open it."

"You don't have to right now."

"I kind of want to, you know? I need to."

Sam took his shaky hands and opened the lid on the box. Inside it were Dean's ring and the amulet he always wore. He never told Sam what it was, just that it was for protection. Still, he had taken it off to face the demon and had left himself vulnerable. Sam fingered the ring, holding it made him feel closer to Dean. Beneath them was an envelope addressed to both Sam and John. He opened it and inside was a letter. His hands still shaking, he unfolded it and began to read it aloud.

"Sam and Dad,

If you're reading this then I must be dead…I've always wanted to say that. It's so cool in the movies. Anyway, if you are reading this, then the battle is over and we've won which is a good thing and I'm sorry I'm not there to share in the victory, but chug down a few in my honor. Hell, get roaring drunk, it's on me. I'm not a letter writer so this isn't easy for me, but it's something I have to do, to explain some things that you need to know. I have no idea where to start, but here goes nothing.

First, I want to say that I love you both and want you to know that I have no regrets about how things turned out. If I had to do it over again, I'd take the same course. You know I don't run from things, I meet them head on and this was no different. You're now probably wondering what I'm talking about, well, Sammy, to put it in a nutshell, you weren't the only one getting visions and dreams. Only difference, mine were just a one shot deal. Well, really a two-shot deal. Last night, I had a dream about mom. It was the second one I've had with her in it. The first came when I was 10 years old. Back then, she told me that I was special, that I had a destiny to fulfill and that I had to keep the family together. She told me she loved me and that I meant the world to her. Then she said that you and dad would always need me and that I would have to protect both of you. It was what I was born to do. I gotta tell you, it was pretty heady stuff for a 10 year old, but funny thing is, I wasn't scared. I understood what she meant. I'd always felt different, but didn't know why. At first I thought the worst, that I would be the burden child, the one who couldn't do anything to help and would just be in the way, but when mom came to me, it was a relief to know I was meant for more and for good things. I've always known Sam was gifted somehow, meant for something more. It was a feeling I've always had, nothing concrete. In the dream, she took off the amulet that I've been wearing. She told me it was blessed and that it would protect me so that I could keep the both of you safe. She said it didn't mean I was invulnerable, but that it would help. The rest had to come from being a survivor and from the training dad would give us to prepare us for anything we faced. She said that she was sorry I had to be the one to keep everyone safe, but I told her that I understood and I did. It was like everything uncertain about my life was gone and my place in the world was clarified. She kissed me in the dream and told me again that she loved me and I woke up. Next to the bed was the amulet so that proved to me it wasn't just a dream. I had a purpose. It's never left my neck since."

Sam paused in shock and surprise.

"Did mom ever come to you in your dreams, dad?"

"No, never."

"Not me either. Jess has, but never mom." Sam said as he remembered their last conversation. "Jess came to me in a dream a few months ago only instead of her death, she told me I had to let her go and appreciate my time with Dean. She must have known."

"Keep reading, son."

"In last night's dream, mom was standing just like she had been in the other dream. She was still beautiful and young. She wasn't smiling so I knew something was wrong. She told me that not all of us would make it. I asked her straight up if it was me. She didn't say a word, just nodded. The news didn't come as a surprise. She told me that she loved me and that when it was over, she'd be there waiting. That was a comfort and took away any fear I had. She told me that she was proud of the man I had become, both of us, Sam. She wanted me to tell dad that he did the right thing by preparing us. Because of him, we're ready to fight. I believe that too, dad so no matter what happens, you did right by Sam and me. She also asked me to do a favor for her. She made me promise to make sure that Sam never gave in to the darkness. You'll never be alone, Sam. It's why I started writing this, I hope that this letter will be something you can both read and remember that the battles are worth it, that good is worth fighting for, dying for, that I died believing that and in our family. The last thing she told me was that she'd see me soon. I woke up crying that time, but not because I was going to die. I've been ready for that for a long time. I was crying because I was going to have to leave you both, especially you, Sam. We've gone through so much together and I'm grateful that we had that time together. I hate leaving you, but you have to promise me you won't let my death ruin your life. That would be the worst thing you could ever do, so I need you to know that I was proud to give my life for this family and that nothing could have stopped me from doing it."

Both Sam and John were barely holding back tears both of pride at the wonder that was Dean and his sacrifice, but also feeling the terrible loss that much more for knowing he had carried the knowledge of his destiny all his life.

"We're getting ready to face this demon and this may be the last chance I have to finish this. Like I said, I'm not good at words, but it still feels like I have so much to say. I have to get this done before you wake up. I can't sleep, but I know that won't dull my senses or reflexes any. I'm just too wound up. I'm leaving the amulet behind in the box. I won't need it today. It's served me well. I hope that its protective properties go beyond me so that Sam can be protected too. It'll feel like I'm passing on a legacy, like I have something more than just memories to leave behind. I'm also leaving my ring. I never told anyone about it, but it was from someone I came very close to marrying and leaving the hunting behind for, but I knew it could never be. Still, she gave me a beautiful might-have-been for a time. She doesn't know about my life, but I've left her name and the last known information I have on her. If you can give that ring back to her and tell her that I never stopped I loving her, I'd be grateful. Anything else you want to tell her, I'll leave up to you. Oh, I hear Sam getting up. I better haul ass and get ready. Nothing left to say, it's all been said, but just for one last Hallmark moment, I love you guys. You've both made me a better man and I hope that when it happens, the last things I see will be your faces. Thanks for being there for me. Your son and brother, Dean."

Silence filled the room as Sam and John let the emotions wash over them. There was so much they hadn't known about Dean, so much responsibility had been placed on him and he hadn't said a word to either of them and had never complained about it. A part of them felt terrible that he had carried this secret with him alone for all his life. It explained why he was so passionate about the hunting. He had even told Sam that killing evil helped him deal with what had happened to their family. It explained a lot about how he lived his life. On the surface he seemed reckless and irresponsible, now it just seemed he was living on borrowed time and wanted to live it as fully as he could because he didn't know if he'd have another day to him. He placed his fate on the protection of the amulet and his purpose in life. It was something Dean would have accepted without condition. He wouldn't have given it a second thought. He was like that. Still, despite knowing more about him, Sam and John were raw with loss and nothing could numb the pain except for time.

**The present, 2012:**

Another presence joined the small family and bent down with Sam. He scooped up his grandson as he placed his hand on Sam's shoulder.

"Sam, are you all right?"

"Hi, dad, yeh, I'm fine. Thanks for coming." Sam said sweetly to his father.

"I'll never forget that day, son. I'll never be able to forget him."

"Me neither."

They both looked at the headstone.

"I still miss him, dad."

"I know. So do I. It'll take time. I'm not so sure we'll ever get over it completely."

"I took him so much for granted." Sam said as he held the amulet around his neck. "I still miss hearing his voice, the jokes that kept me sane, the unquestioned loyalty even when I left him. I just miss it all."

"I know. We both took him for granted. He was always the strength of this family. He fought for us to the end." John paused. "I see you're still wearing the amulet."

"Sometimes when I'm caught up in something, so close to forgetting him, it taps my chest and I remember. It's like he's there with me, reminding me I'm not alone, kicking my ass in his own way if I got too full of myself. Someday, I'll pass it on to little Dean."

The young raven-haired woman finally joined the men in her life and hugged Sam. His left hand went to touch hers and there was Dean's ring, given to him by the very woman who had given Dean the moment of might-have-been that he had cherished so much.

"I loved him too. Never stopped hoping he'd come back." Said the woman as she smiled. "He left a lasting impression."

They all laughed remembering Dean's bluster and sarcasm fondly.

"I think he brought us together somehow." She said.

"Me too, Maxie." Sam said. "I mean, when I brought you the ring, you knew who I was immediately."

"Dean talked about you all the time, described how smart you were and how you were destined for great things. He was so proud of you. So when you came to my door, it's like I've known you all my life. When you showed me his ring, I knew he was gone. We loved each other and he loved that ring, told me he would always think of it like a wedding ring. He told me that there would never be anyone else for him, but me and I believed him. He had a way of convincing you that made you believe. He thanked me for giving him a might-have-been moment and I never understood what that meant until you told me. When he left, he made sure that I didn't blame myself. He told me that if he had a choice, he would never leave me, but had to because his family needed him and I understood. In a funny way, I didn't feel like he was dumping me and I've been dumped my share of times so I know how that feels. I had this weird feeling that he wasn't coming back, but not because he didn't want to." Maxie said.

"I know. It was Dean's way. He would never hurt anyone he loved. It wasn't in him. Sometimes I thought he was self-destructive, reckless, but then I'd realize later it was more like a passion for him to save people, especially us, but for others too. When we found out Meg was just an innocent young woman, possessed against her will, Dean demanded that we set her free even it meant certain death for her because in his mind, being a prisoner of a demon was worse than death. When the demon was out, even though she was in terrible pain, she thanked him." Sam said, amazed. "He never wavered from his convictions, even when I did from mine."

Sam looked at little Dean and hugged him.

"He would have loved him." Sam choked. "I teased him about kids, because he always seemed so uncomfortable around them, but when he had to help them, you'd think they were his own. There were so many things I misjudged him on. Sometimes I wonder how I couldn't see."

He turned back to the headstone.

"Dad and I are still hunting, but I don't hate the job anymore. I've accepted my destiny. I'm sorry I didn't do that sooner with you, but I wanted you to know that I had come to peace with it being a part of my life. I still get the visions, but they're not painful, or not as much anyway. I've learned to relax and let them come instead of fighting them. They help guide us on the hunts. I haven't had a nightmare since that night, but sometimes I find myself wishing that you'd come to my dreams because I miss you." Sam said. "I know you hear us, Dean. I'm living that life you made me promise to have and I've never felt so lucky to be alive. I hate that there had to be a cost, that you had to give up everything to make this life happen, but I can hear you kicking my butt thinking it. I'm sorry I took you for granted, but I promise you I'm not taking this life for granted. None of us are."


End file.
